Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize