Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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