I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
