I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
