I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
