I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
