i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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