"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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