We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I party with great urgency now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
