ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
