all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
