He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
