Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
