It was confusing and full of hummus
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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