New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
