I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize