Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
