My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
