Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
