The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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