1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
