just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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