I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
