Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
