If that was your dad, he is hot
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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