i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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