p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
