don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
