my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
