1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
