im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
