Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize