Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize