goodnight i made you a song goodbye
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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