She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
