ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
