No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize