Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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