just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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