We named our party play list daddy issues
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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