Sponge bath it is.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
