My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
