I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
my poor anus
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
