He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize