Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
3 2 1 whiskey
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
