not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
