she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
