I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
