My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
