I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
