How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
