I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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