if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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