My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What drink are we having for lunch?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
