I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
