bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
