I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
