life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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