My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
