He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize