if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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