My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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