I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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