She's JV to your varsity
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
