i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
