I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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