Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
