Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
