fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
