he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
