I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
