Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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