I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
