So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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