Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
