Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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