Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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