I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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