is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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