after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
