There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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