it hurts more in the daytime
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
