u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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