I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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