in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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