K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
