the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
