I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
