I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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