Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
