oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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